The Heavy DaysGuided RetreatsStart here

The Fathers Guild · The Heavy Days

Show up heavy, leave light.Return home, harder to kill, easier to love, and more free to live.

Guided retreats for men who want to close the gap between who they currently are and who they want to be. Three options, one method: remove the weight you currently carry (life), be truly present, get a bit uncomfortable, increase your capacity to carry the weight, return home stronger, calmer, more capable.

A single meaningful experience can shift the course of your life.

Inquire about a retreatWho's running this

Are you interested in a group retreat, a father-son coming-of-age retreat or a one-on-one personal development intensive retreat?

01Group02Father & Son031-on-1

Not sure which? Send a note and Pat answers and tells you straight which one fits.

The three options

Same standard · different container

Option 014 days

The Heavy Days Brotherhood Retreat

For the dad running on empty who needs a hard stop, not another self-help hack.

$2,500Full details
Option 024 days

Father + Son Coming-of-Age Retreat

For the father of a 12–17 year old who refuses to leave his son's becoming to chance.

$4,000 per pairFull details
Option 034 days

The Heavy Days One-on-One Advanced Intensive

For the man who wants to go extremely deep, one-on-one, with zero distractions.

$10,000Full details
01

The Heavy Days Brotherhood Retreat

4 days to reset, refocus and return stronger. Travel in on a Thursday, leave on Sunday.

What's involved

  • JournalingJournaling that forces honesty. Mostly with yourself.
  • ForgeForging, wayfinding, discomfort, comfort, guidance. A few manly things to wake you up.
  • StarsSleeping under the stars.
  • FeelLearn to feel a bit. Don't worry, it won't be too woo woo.
  • StressGuided and contained physical and mental stress to help you feel more capable.
  • The good stuffFire, sauna, cold plunge.
  • FoodEat amazing food.
Who
Fathers & men
How long
4 days · Thu–Sun
Group size
5–8
Where
Santa Cruz, CA

What you leave with

  • ·A clear vision of the man you want to be.
  • ·Strength in your body and clarity in your mind.
  • ·Brothers who have your back.
  • ·Energy and presence your family will feel the moment you walk in the door.
Full detailsInquire
02

Father + Son Coming-of-Age Retreat

Four days in the Santa Cruz mountains. Fathers and sons, real challenge, and a rite of passage he will carry the rest of his life.

What's involved

  • Rite of passageA structured ceremony where you name what your son is leaving behind and what he is stepping into, witnessed by the other fathers and sons.
  • Forge workYour son hammers steel with your hands working next to his. He leaves with something he made.
  • Hard thingsWayfinding, a long climb, cold water, a night under the stars. Contained stress that proves he is more capable than he thought.
  • The talksPrompted, private father-son sessions on values, phones, girls, fear, failure, money and purpose. You don't have to know how to start. That's my job.
  • The good stuffFire, sauna, cold plunge. Where the guard drops and boys start talking like men.
  • FoodMy wife and family cook for us. Some of the highest praise I get is about the food.
Who
One father + one son (12–17)
How long
4 days · Thu–Sun
Group size
6 father-son pairs
Where
Santa Cruz, CA

What you leave with

  • ·Proof he can do hard things, earned in his own body.
  • ·A clear line between the boy he was and the man he's becoming.
  • ·Something he forged with his own hands.
  • ·Language for the conversations you've been putting off.
  • ·A short list of promises you made to him out loud.
  • ·Other fathers walking the same road.
Full detailsInquire
03

The Heavy Days One-on-One Advanced Intensive

An exclusive 4-day, 3-night retreat built around one man: you. On your schedule, at your depth, with nobody else there.

What's involved

  • BeforeA call first. After our call, we pick your arrival date and your departure date. This runs on your schedule, not a calendar.
  • MorningsRise with the sun. Sauna, cold plunge, and a morning routine you'll want to take home with you.
  • TrainingMultiple training sessions a day. Your defaults show up under load; we use that.
  • The workPersonal development work, one-on-one with me, going extremely deep. No group to hide inside.
  • Solo adventurePlenty of you-time with no distractions. Space to be alone with what comes up.
  • NightsSleep under the stars, or in the luxury glamping dome with a full bed. Your call.
  • FoodAll meals catered and delicious. You won't lift a finger.
  • AfterOne month of coaching included. The work doesn't end when you drive away.
Who
One man. Just you and me.
How long
4 days · 3 nights
When
On your schedule
Where
Santa Cruz, CA

What you leave with

  • ·Four days of undivided, one-on-one work on the thing that actually matters.
  • ·A morning routine built around sun, sauna and cold plunge, plus the habit to keep it.
  • ·The strength and clarity that come from multiple training sessions a day.
  • ·One month of coaching after you leave, so the change sticks.
Full detailsInquire
Pat Barber, founder of The Fathers Guild

Who's running this

Pat Barber

Husband, father of four boys, and a coach for more than twenty years.

The Heavy Days are not a motivational weekend. They run on the principle that you are anti-fragile. You will grow from stress plus recovery. We'll create an environment where you have plenty of recovery and space, and apply just the right stressors to allow you to grow where you need it most.

Harder to kill, easier to love, more free to live.

That is the whole programme. Everything else is logistics.

Read the full story

Straight from the men who went

What they say afterwards

In their own words, unedited

01 / 10

Ryan Callahan

Group retreat

Read every note in full
“For a few days, I traded notifications, meetings, and responsibilities for mountains, silence, physical challenge, incredible food, and honest conversations with a group of men who all shared one thing in common: a desire to show up better for the people who matter most.”

What people say about working with Pat

“If you asked ChatGPT to write you a description of a coach's coach, it would just return a picture of Pat Barber. I've worked with Pat for over 15 years and never cease to be amazed by his technical abilities, but more importantly his compassion and empathy.”
Dr. Kelly Starrett · Performance coach & physio · Co-founder of The Ready State · 3× NYT best-selling author
“Pat has an incredible ability to make people feel seen. I've watched him work with groups of 20 and make everyone feel like they're the only person in the room.”
Sean Pastuch · Founder of Active Life
“Pat Barber is one of the most genuine men I know. He has a presence that is commanding yet welcoming, which he uses to create change and conviction in any person, athlete or coach he communicates with.”
Adrian Conway · Five-time CrossFit Games athlete · Owner of TTRU Fitness
“Knowing Pat has profoundly shaped the way I parent. He showed me, through his example, how to be creative, present, and truly engaged as a parent.”
Adee Zukier Cazayoux · Mom, maker · Founder of W.A.G.

Inquiry

Put your hand up for the waitlist.

Thirty seconds. No obligation. I'll read it myself and reply within a day.

Helping fathers become
harder to kill, easier to love
& more free to live

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